September 2009
3 posts
my girlfriend rocks.
Read it GIRLS
mastodonstorm:
shmaltzy:
zoebarakat:
abctaylor:
lindseeyy:
juliabreaks:
mitsu:
nowayitsdana:
thecoloredpicture:
thewaterflowsup:
definitely-jinx:
kabople:
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee, I can justify any shopping spree. Don’t go to a barber, but a beauty salon, I can get a massage without a hard-on. I can balance the checkbook, I can pump my own gas, Can talk to my...
August 2009
3 posts
1 tag
1 tag
“amazing bobby mcferrin clip from the world science festival ::...”
– zefrank
July 2009
8 posts
Communist Party
The quintessential Threadless T. I got their newsletter saying it was reprinted 1 hour ago. Every size (excluding extra small) of their guys normal Threadless Tee is sold out. In an hour. So I bought it ona red american apparel tee… hopefully that doesn’t really mean anything… but we will see.
Worth the 22 dollars though… so worth it. “The Communist Party” -...
Watchmastodonstorm:
dsfincannon:
William Shatner Does Sarah Palin’s Resignation Speech!
Oh my gosh, win.
Shoulda hired him me thinks.
June 2009
316 posts
gaviteros:
shesinwonderland:
Why? is everyone saying that Year One is really bad or something..? Cuz i really want to see it lol
It got horrible reviews XD But I enjoyed it.
Fuck you. I enjoyed Year One.
You can't handle his girth.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hey babe
You: oh hey dear
Stranger: asl?
You: how was work?
Stranger: tiring
You: uhhhhh yeah me 2
Stranger: damn ash ketchum
Stranger: alwasy beating me in battles
Stranger: "Gary Oak, you suck!"
Stranger: I hate him so much.
You: I know Gary... I just can't handle your girth.
Stranger: Wish I could just hire someone to kill him.
Stranger: My girth is a lot
Stranger: I know.
Stranger: Maybe I should roleplay with Ash
Stranger: act like I'm misty
Stranger: and then have him get into the springs
Stranger: get behind him
You: Then you should take off your fake breasts.
Stranger: take off my fake breasts
Stranger: the unleash my girth
Stranger: into surprise buttsex
Stranger: Yes....
You: I think so.
Stranger: That's what I'll do.
You: I can see it now
Stranger: Are you alright with that May?
You: "I'm GARY OAK POKEMON MASTER! You can't handle my girth!"
You: Its okay Gary.
Stranger: Oh yes!
Stranger: I'll say that.
You: We'll have some hard core sex when you get back.
Stranger: Thanks
Stranger: I can't handle giving buttsex too long
Stranger: makes me feel like I'm gay instead of a rapisty
Stranger: rapist*
You: It is such a valid point.
Stranger: excuse my spelling
You: I mean... I don't want to fuck a gay man.
You: Soo.... it better be rape.
Stranger: I heard they're 2x worse
Stranger: cause they always want ass
Stranger: scared of the vaj...
You: Pretty much... and my vaj gets so lonely.
Stranger: Don't worry
Stranger: It won't be lonely tonight
Stranger: Well I'm off
Stranger: *grabs fake breasts and hair tie*
You: Well... my ditto will keep me company then.
You: Here, take these shorts too.
You: She likes to wear them.
Stranger: *puts on shorts*
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: thong?
Stranger: or grannie panties?
You: Nah.
You: Grannie panties.
Stranger: Alright
Stranger: Time to go rape ash.
You: Do it.
Stranger: Call him up
You: Tell me all about it.
Stranger: tell him I want to meet him at the springs
Stranger: tell him I'm misty
Stranger: Alright
Stranger: *Leaves House*
Stranger: Bye May!
You: /calls ash- meet misty at the springs... she has something she wants to ask you./
Stranger: *Comes back 5 1/2 hours later*
You: baaii my pokemon master!
Stranger: HOLY SHIT
Stranger: HOLY SHIIIIT
Stranger: OMG
Stranger: OMG OMG OMG
You: you are gay aren't you.
Stranger: PLEASE
You: Damn it!
You: DAMN YOU ASHHHH!!!
Stranger: SCREW ME RIGHT NOW
Stranger: DO IT!
Stranger: *Does it up all night long*
You: /proceeds to screw/
Stranger: *wakes up next morning*
Stranger: Phew...
Stranger: That was a close call
You: wheewww.
You: Near miss there.
Stranger: shit
Stranger: so close
Stranger: I say we just kill ash
Stranger: *calls up oak*
You: He liked it didn't he?
Stranger: ''Ya, I need you to put poison in Ash's orange juice*
Stranger: Oh jeez
Stranger: *hangs up*
Stranger: Oak is on it
Stranger: And yea
Stranger: he was enjoying it so much
Stranger: he didn't say anything
Stranger: until I was done
Stranger: he went in for the kiss
Stranger: that's when I slapped him and ran...
You: Did you bitch slap him dear?
Stranger: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
Stranger: Sprinted is better
Stranger: screw the car, he'd get to me in time
Stranger: I had to sprint
You: Whew... good thing we gave you your running shoes.
You: Only had to hold down b.
Stranger: *5 hours later*
Stranger: *RING RING RING RING*
Stranger: *picks up phone*
Stranger: *Oak...? OAK???*
Stranger: ''This is ash bitch, I'm coming to get you"
You: I'll get my rayquaza
Stranger: ''I killed Oak, With my penis down his throat, choked him to death"
Stranger: NO
Stranger: This is a job...
Stranger: For...
Stranger: MUDKIPZ!
Stranger: I know he hates me
Stranger: BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY
You: Surf should do it.
You: Always does.
Stranger: You can't control mudkipz
Stranger: ....
Stranger: Mudkipz is the only pokemon out there
Stranger: that has a taste for human flesh
Stranger: and wants mroe.
Stranger: I'm gonna have to keep him in a cage until I meet ash
You: I once was turned into a mudkip by a wizard... it was y.
Stranger: oh no
Stranger: Good thing I found you
Stranger: But your sister...
Stranger: It was too late for her.
Stranger: *sobs*
You: I knoww... but you tried dear.
You: You tried.
Stranger: Well
Stranger: your sister is gonna have one helluva job now
You: She'll do just fine.
You: If you don't let her see you first.
You: ...
You: Srsly.
Stranger: Don't worry
Stranger: It's a one sided cage
You: Don't let her see you first.
Stranger: I'll point it at ash
You: Gooodd.
You: Get a string to open it.
Stranger: I'll tazer her while she's tearing through his flesh
Stranger: and then recapture her
You: Be careful love.
Stranger: This is gonna be scary.
Stranger: *Confronts ash*
Stranger: BISH BETTER WATCH OUT.
Stranger: *coughbeashcough*
Stranger: *COUGH BE ASH COUGH*
You: you are going to pay for what you tried Gary.
You: You tried to poison my juice?
You: MAHHHH JUICE?!?!?
Stranger: YAH, YOURE APPLE JUICE TOO
You: I LOVE MY JUICEEE!!!
You: BITCH FUCKER!
Stranger: BRING IT ON
You: PIKACHU THUNDERBOLT!
Stranger: CHARIZARD, I CHOOSE YOU!
Stranger: FIRE BALL@!
Stranger: *charizard dies*
Stranger: FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Stranger: CHARIZARD! NO!
You: PIKACHU use Agility!
Stranger: YOU BETTER WATCH OUT BISH
Stranger: *realses mudkipz, facing pikachu and ash*
Stranger: *GETS TAZER READY*
You: /pikachu tries to escape but is ripped to shreds by the resistance to lightning and its ferocious claws.
Stranger: *thinks to self, 'HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THAT MUDKIPZ GOOOO'*
You: OH GOD NOOOO PIKACHU!!!!
You: /is suffocated by the torrent of water unleashed down his throat from the mudkip's vagina.
You: /dies
Stranger: *tazers mudkips*
Stranger: *Recaptures*
Stranger: IT
Stranger: IS
Stranger: FINISHED
You: /mudkips breaks freeeeeeeeee
Stranger: SHIT SHIT SHIT!
Stranger: *EVOLVES*
You: ... sorry mate.
Stranger: WTF, IM NOT A POKEMON, I DDONT EVOLVE!
Stranger: *Turns into swampart*
Stranger: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!
Stranger: *kills the universe*
Stranger: *everyone dies*
Stranger: BUH BYE NAOW!
Barack Obama is the Devil, and he is planning a...
mikespez:
Tonight at dinner, my 85-year-old grandfather made this statement. He is a lifelong Republican, but is always fair-minded when it comes to politics - even defending President Clinton during his impeachment.
Yet, for whatever reason, he has fallen victim to the fear mongering from the far-right. But something else has also changed. Republicans, faced with the political reality that...
crowth:
kapi:
Do you guys really think that all of your tweets and tumblr posts about Iran or putting a green tint to your online avatars will actually have a game changing impact?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not doubting any of your efforts at all. In fact I applaud them.
It seems to me that the Americans are the most vocal about the whole “Democracy must win” point of view, which is fair.
...
I. HATE. FALLOUT.
(via shesinwonderland)
WHAT!?!
You need to explain yourself.. nao.
Capitalism
SUBSCRIBE NOW to continue reading this article! Its FREE (apart from a small monthly fee, of course).
Capitalism is a philosophy of punctuation. Capitalists are people who believe that all words shouldbe capitalized, no matter what the situation.
For instance, the sentence: “This is a sentence.”
would be written this way by a capitalist: “This Is MY Sentence.”
This is,...
Jon Stewart Plagiarizes UnNews!
17 June 2009
NEW YORK CITY, New York — Jon Stewart, comedian news reporter for the Daily Show, has apparently plagiarized an UnNews column wrote on the 14th of June, titled UnNews:Obama rewards terrorists. Stewart’s piece, titled “Guantanamo Baywatch - Uighur, Please”, was a thinly veiled remake of the article already appearing on the awarding winning UnNews....
Words that gentlemen should use to describe women
mastodonstorm:
alphalux:
Pretty
Cute
Homely
Lovely
Stunning
Beautiful
Gorgeous
Hot
Indeed.
You would be amazed at how badly homely goes over, and how well hot does. Just saying.
my girlfriend's first attempt with omegle.
You: heyyyy you!
Stranger: hey you!
Stranger: good greeting!
Stranger: how goes??
You: IT
You: GOES
You: WELL
You: and you, dear friend?
Stranger: fantastic!
Stranger: eating some tasty foods and relaxing!
You: om nom!
Stranger: yes indeed!
You: who is better
You: lavar burton or bill cosby?
Stranger: duhh lavar
You: bitch
You: bill cosby taught lavar everything he knows.
Stranger: cosby is an old douche
You: you kids. with your rap muic.
Stranger: id rather have geordi at my side any day
You: music
You: i can go twice as fucking high.
You: take a look.
You: its in a book.
Stranger: fuck books man
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I need to stop letting myself get out of shape
mastodonstorm:
gaviteros:
mastodonstorm:
gaviteros:
Eating regularly is the most important… I mean all throughout the day but at regular intervals. No binge eating… but I’m sure mostly you mean muscle. Yeah I need that too, but meh.
When I hit 160, going from 180 in December, my plan was to gain the 20 back, but in muscle. It didn’t quite work out because a) I didn’t show the proper...
WatchZomg. ZOMG YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.
I want my deadpoolsss sooo bad!
I need to stop letting myself get out of shape
mastodonstorm:
gaviteros:
Eating regularly is the most important… I mean all throughout the day but at regular intervals. No binge eating… but I’m sure mostly you mean muscle. Yeah I need that too, but meh.
When I hit 160, going from 180 in December, my plan was to gain the 20 back, but in muscle. It didn’t quite work out because a) I didn’t show the proper motivation and b) I don’t have the...
This is how MissingofActions and Brandon pray.
MissingofActions: Ok,lets try and catch Rayquaza again.
MissingofActions: Lets pray to Morgan Freeman.
Tallain85: DEAR MORGAN FREEMAN, PLEASE BLESS US THIS DAY
Tallain85: PROVIDE OUR BALLS STRENGTH THIS DAY, THAT WE MAY INDEED CATCH EM ALL
MissingofActions: FOR WE ARE TRYING TO CATCH THE BITCHASS POKEMAN CALLED RAYQUAZA.
MissingofActions: Amen.
Tallain85: aMEN
I need to stop letting myself get out of shape
mastodonstorm:
zefutebolera:
mastodonstorm:
So starting today, I will be doing pushups again.
http://hundredpushups.com/
I guess you better lay off on those bacon pizzas then? ;/
I only had two pieces. D:
But yeah, smaller helpings of stuff. There’s no way I’d stop eating any food, I would just eat smaller servings/meals. You know, everything in moderation. Even moderation.
Eating...
Watchmastodonstorm:
(via bmdesign)
THIS IS THE COOLEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN